What’s so bad about being who you really are? Why do we feel
such a powerful pull to act, dress, speak like someone we aren’t when we are
with other people? I think everyone is guilty of it to some degree, but those
who make it a lifestyle simply baffle me. In fact, it creates in me a level of
distrust of that person. My best friend, The Pie’s Favorite Aunt, is still the
exact same person I met over 22 years ago. Her personality remained the same
through massive weight loss, getting married, enduring major surgeries. She has
met and mingled with people from all walks of life, with different backgrounds
and experiences, but SHE has remained the same. And I think it’s because she
really likes herself, as silly and “self-help book” as that might sound.
It’s true, being comfortable with our personalities can be a
real challenge because I think that, at our core, we want to be liked or loved.
The motivation to be liked quickly overcomes our need to be ourselves, so we
transform into what other people expect us to be. If we spend an inordinate
amount of time around people who flagrantly use foul language, that trait will
slowly seep into our subconscious and eventually become part of our daily self.
If we work with people who imbibe alcohol at every possible moment, and always
join in those activities, it changes our chemistry, literally, into something
that we are not. Conversely, if we spend time with intellectual, cultured and
clever people, we can learn myriad ideas, philosophies and concepts that can
change our lives. What’s important, I believe, is that we remain true to
ourselves – not turn into social chameleons.
Urban Dictionary defines a social chameleon as such:
Someone
who changes the way they interact with people depending on who they're with.
Do you know someone like this? Are YOU someone like this?
I’m not talking about behaving appropriately in varied situations – like a job
interview, bachelor party or afternoon tea – but changing the essence of who we
are just to accommodate the person or group of people whose company you happen
to be in. I think the reason why it bothers me so much is that I see this
behavior in people I care about and was shocked when I first witnessed it. It
was almost as if I was sitting across from a stranger. It forced me to question
who that person REALLY was: the filthy-mouthed drunk begging for attention that
sat before me, or the sweet, caring mother I knew her to be from years of
friendship.
No one wants to be rejected, I get that. I’ve always said
that I can handle rejection, it’s humiliation that kills me. But we should all
be our authentic selves; otherwise, how would we know if it’s us they like or
like the façade we present?
