Social Chamelons

What’s so bad about being who you really are? Why do we feel such a powerful pull to act, dress, speak like someone we aren’t when we are with other people? I think everyone is guilty of it to some degree, but those who make it a lifestyle simply baffle me. In fact, it creates in me a level of distrust of that person. My best friend, The Pie’s Favorite Aunt, is still the exact same person I met over 22 years ago. Her personality remained the same through massive weight loss, getting married, enduring major surgeries. She has met and mingled with people from all walks of life, with different backgrounds and experiences, but SHE has remained the same. And I think it’s because she really likes herself, as silly and “self-help book” as that might sound.

It’s true, being comfortable with our personalities can be a real challenge because I think that, at our core, we want to be liked or loved. The motivation to be liked quickly overcomes our need to be ourselves, so we transform into what other people expect us to be. If we spend an inordinate amount of time around people who flagrantly use foul language, that trait will slowly seep into our subconscious and eventually become part of our daily self. If we work with people who imbibe alcohol at every possible moment, and always join in those activities, it changes our chemistry, literally, into something that we are not. Conversely, if we spend time with intellectual, cultured and clever people, we can learn myriad ideas, philosophies and concepts that can change our lives. What’s important, I believe, is that we remain true to ourselves – not turn into social chameleons.

Urban Dictionary defines a social chameleon as such:

social chameleon

Someone who changes the way they interact with people depending on who they're with.

 

Do you know someone like this? Are YOU someone like this? I’m not talking about behaving appropriately in varied situations – like a job interview, bachelor party or afternoon tea – but changing the essence of who we are just to accommodate the person or group of people whose company you happen to be in. I think the reason why it bothers me so much is that I see this behavior in people I care about and was shocked when I first witnessed it. It was almost as if I was sitting across from a stranger. It forced me to question who that person REALLY was: the filthy-mouthed drunk begging for attention that sat before me, or the sweet, caring mother I knew her to be from years of friendship.

No one wants to be rejected, I get that. I’ve always said that I can handle rejection, it’s humiliation that kills me. But we should all be our authentic selves; otherwise, how would we know if it’s us they like or like the façade we present?