Table of Elephants

I love words– especially when they are written or spoken eloquently or with great humor. Some phrases formed by clever or well placed words can leave impressions behind that take days or weeks or years to fade. My most beloved kinds of words are malapropisms that occur when someone’s tongue or brain or gets ahead of the other and something silly comes tumbling out. My new favorite comes from my dear friend, Dr. Steph. During one of our recent monthly lunch dates, she had me laughing until tears ran freely – mine and hers! She told me of a conversation she had with a friend in which she attempted to say “the element of surprise.” What she actually said (and what I think is WAY funnier) was “the elephant of surprise.”
 In my head I immediately pictured an elephant, sneaking around behind bushes, carrying an enormous bundle of balloons and confetti poppers in its trunk, waiting to pounce upon some unsuspecting jungle animal and bellowing “Surprise!” Go ahead…picture it. I DARE you not to at least giggle. That’s funny, right?


Well, that got me thinking about other kinds of “elephants.” So here for your consideration are my thoughts:
 The Four Basic Elephants

Water, earth, wind and fire. Naturally (get it), that just makes me imagine a group of funky elephants as 70’s musicians with Afros, dressed in glittering jumpsuits and singing “Boogie Wonderland.” How can disco be dead when there’s a stage full of pachyderms getting’ funky for ya? Of course, they all definitely have a certain…
 Elephant of Style

Imagine a dapper pachyderm strolling the city sidewalk, sporting spats, white tie, tails and a top hat! His air of sophistication radiates as he greets passersby with polite bon mots. He’s got grace, wit, big ears and a trunk…he’s stylin’! Perhaps he’s on his way to visit his interior decorator – you know, the one with a dramatic…

Elephant of Design

This fellow is flamboyant and expressive, welcoming discussions of movement, texture, pattern and color. He believes that form follows function in a space and tends toward the boho-chic when decorating his own loft. Picture the elephant poised at an outdoor café table, sipping a venti half-caff mochafrappulattecino, with a dusting of cinnamon. He’s pontificating about the use of accessories in a powder room and wonders if adding built-ins is the way to go. Presently, he is joined by the…

Elephant of Doubt

We all know this guy…we can’t ignore him. He squirms his way into our thoughts and makes us question everything. This suspicious pachyderm doesn’t believe anything is true unless proven in some tangible way. His bushy eyebrows furrow into a “V” above his trunk as he whines, “I don’t know….” about everything from peanuts to popovers. He causes uncertainty among a group and his skepticism can be contagious if allowed to rampage, like elephants are wont to do. And what if he had a brother? He might be the…

Elephant of Danger

He’s a bad boy elephant…the kind your mother warned you about. He has a trunk piercing and a tattoo of barbed wire around his bicep; he drinks Pabst beer and smokes Lucky Strikes. He shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. This dude is a menace, people. He threatens little elephants for their milk money; he swipes candy bars and nudie magazines from convenience stores; he siphons gas out of SUVs to fuel his El Camino as the getaway car after a liquor store robbery. Nothing good can come from hanging around this perilous pachyderm, so run and seek to find the righteous…
 Elephant of Truth

This one is virtuous, honest and trustworthy. She seeks to be a positive influence in the lives around her and she never lies, deceives or misleads. I picture her wearing a flowing blouse with bell sleeves and a tie-dyed broomstick skirt. Her huge ears are adorned with sparkly baubles and around her neck hang trinkets made of organic bamboo harvested by free-range itinerant farmers. She speaks of peace and love and harmony and gifts tofu mini muffins. She shops at the farmer’s market and doesn’t shave her legs. Wait – do elephants have hair?
 Anyway…


I ran out of steam here. Got any other elements that can be elephants? Let me know.