Star-Studded Shopping

I have seen the underwear of the biggest country music superstar of all time. I even know what kind and size he wears. I should clarify by telling you that at the time I swept my peepers over the tightie-whities and t-shirts of this mega-star, they were hermetically sealed in a package and lying in a Target shopping cart. While shopping this afternoon, I ran into this man who dominated the charts for a decade. Yes, literally “ran” into him. I was returning to my cart and backed into him, turned and said, “Excuse me, I’m so sorry…HOLY CRAP! I mean, hello, my name is Jackie. I graduated high school with (your ex-wife).” He smiled that wide smile that America loves, his ice blue eyes sparkling, and said, “Hi…I’m Garth.”
 Yep. I live in the same relatively small town that counts Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood as residents. His ex-wife Sandy and I graduated the same year from our high school they have neighboring properties in our town and by all accounts have a very amicable relationship. I confess that I am easily embarrassingly star-struck and the idea of meeting celebrities just makes jittery and emit noises similar to Spongebob Squarepants.


Since I moved back in with my dad, I have actually hoped to run into some people from high school or other folks I used to know and it has not happened once. I admit being mildly disappointed about it. But today certainly made up for it! Mr. Brooks welcomed my introduction and appeared to endure my verbal diarrhea with graciousness. We chatted about high school stuff and he told me his eldest daughter has dated the son of one my classmates for several years. He fawned over the Pie, who strangely sat quietly in the cart and stared, and then he said would send my regards to Sandy.


As we parted company, and Garth made his purchase, I realized that I had made polite conversation with and shaken the hand of a real live, no-doubt-about supermegastar, but today he was just a dude who needed new underpants. Very cool.

Birthday Wishes

Today is my birthday. This particular milestone marks the last year of my mid-forties. It was a pretty good day, I guess. I’m okay with having another birthday, really, I am. But I wish it were still socially acceptable to have a big deal made about the day of my birth.  I am an only child AND I am adopted, so every birthday of my childhood was a celebration of epic proportions. But as I have aged, I find that not many people like celebrating birthdays – theirs or anyone else’s. It reminds them of their own mortality. So, as I blow out my (nonexistent) birthday candles, I wish…

…people could embrace their special day and truly celebrate being alive. So many humans are suffering, starving and struggling, but most of us are more afraid of noticing a new line around the eyes or another gray hair than of losing our home in a natural disaster!

…that everyone could relax and enjoy accolades from friends, family and co-workers regardless of expense, time or medium. I was thrilled that I had nearly 40 Facebook messages wishing me a happy birthday. Where else could I get that kind of recognition? Gotta love the Facebook!

… it was not an embarrassment to have plowed through an entire box of Rice Krispie Treats in a day, but it is and I have to live with that. 

… my daughter could sit still and quietly for 10 minutes. Not just for my birthday, but ANY day!

…my old friends knew how much I really miss them and my current friends knew how much I love them.

…my bathroom had a whirlpool tub in it.

… I could parlay my love of words into a lucrative income-generating vehicle.

… I could bring myself to lather, rinse and repeat.

… I liked to eat tomatoes. I don’t, but I really want to – they look so pretty and appetizing on the outside, but something just ain’t right on the inside. Hard to explain.  

… the Dancing With The Stars results show was just half an hour.

… I was more patient and better at juggling the needs of my daughter and father.

… had the time to develop an idea I have for a book  that I think could be really awesome.

… lived closer to people I love dearly and miss desperately.

… Charlie Sheen would get his shit together.

… for President Obama to be re-elected in order to fulfill his destiny as THE preeminent President of the 21^st century.

… that my father had wished me a Happy Birthday just once today.