No one ever said it would be easy. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. Had no expectation otherwise. But I was hoping for a little balance - instead of going through phases where nothing exciting happens, then suddenly being hit with a shitstorm – I prefer having my shit spread out in an even layer, thank you very much. Like Nutella on warm toast…
In the past 6 weeks or so, my limits have been tested, my sanity tried, my judgment questioned and my heart broken. Not necessarily in that order, because it seemed to come all at once! I felt overwhelmed and under prepared and as much as I tried to fake it, my grasp on everything slipped away.
Alzheimer’s took my favorite uncle from us. He was a sweet and funny man, a teacher and father of 6 – some of my favorite people in the world – but his final days were agonizing for him and everyone who loved him. I worried about how my father would accept the news of his brother’s death, but it happened the same day as the Colorado movie theatre tragedy, so he occupied himself with that instead. After the funeral, dad took a turn and proved more responsibility. His care took time, effort and skills that were already running low in the tank.
The Pie started kindergarten, so the adjustment from staying up late and sleeping in had to be made. With the God-given assistance of dissolvable melatonin tablets, I was able to get her back on a sleep schedule that coordinated with real life. First couple of days were a teeny bit rough, but we both survived, so I will gladly settle for that!
I had to have some nasty dental work done and that put me out of commission for about a week. I had 7 teeth pulled. I do not currently have dental insurance and the only viable option to end the discomfort was to have broken ones extracted. Oh, the pain! And eating soft foods was no picnic. Hey, pudding, Jell-O, applesauce, yogurt, I am no longer interested in you, I need to move on; on to something that can offer me more satisfaction…like Pecan Praline ice cream. I’ve spent years attempting to justify eating ice cream three times a day and finally found a way to do it! Who knew it would take approaching redneck status to do so?
My relationship with the Prince came to an end. I do not intend to delve into reasons, decisions or choices. He is a good man – he needs someone good. This one was all my decision, my reason, my choice. Still, dealing with it is stressful and difficult. Gives me a lot to untangle in that scary place inside my head!
My dad’s other brother passed away suddenly last week, adding more sadness to our family. He loved in Montana, so we hadn’t seen him in a while, but I reconnected with him via Facebook and loved him. I have really fantastic memories of childhood that involve him and his kids, so I choose to hold on to those right now. I have gotten closer to one of his daughter’s over the past few months because we share a similar situation; he lived with her. I can only send her prayers and words of comfort, but I wish there were something else I could do.
Now, the Pie presents with a loose tooth – her first. While at first I was excited and thrilled for her, I slowly came to the realization that she’s growing up. And doing it WAY faster than I want her to. Every single day of my life, no matter how crazy she makes me, I end the day with a thankful prayer of gratitude for her. The Big Guy knew what he was doing.
So I’m holding on, still believing that it will be ok soon. And if it isn’t, there is always ice cream….
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