Making a Plan

I am a planner. It's what I do. I begin planning events well ahead of time to make sure that all the details are in place and whatever the event, it will be perfect. I started planning Thanksgiving dinner this morning and realized that no matter what I plan, it will not be perfect. My dad won't be at his place at the table. He'll be in a nursing home, most likely choking down pureed turkey and dressing. It's doesn't exactly elicit a Norman Rockwell type of image. 

No matter how moist the turkey is, how sweet the yams are or creamy the pumpkin pie is, my family won't be together to share it. It's very sad to me to think about the upcoming holidays without him here at home to celebrate with me and The Pie. I've gotten so used to planning the meal and festivities around the two of them that I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do. How can I plan something that really isn't going to happen? 

I know that the spirit of Thanksgiving is more than just one day a year, more than a four day weekend, more than a parade, more than football games and great sales on electronics. It's a spirit of gratitude for everything and everyone we have in our lives. We should celebrate it every day. And I try to. Some days are easier than others. 

Since Dad went into the nursing home, I've become withdrawn, less motivated and quite depressed. I haven't cooked much, either. Most of our meals have been fast food or eating out.  The majority of my time used to be spent taking care of Dad in one way or another - managing my time between him, The Pie and The Cuteness, my babysitting charge. Now I realize that I have much more time available to work on projects - cleaning, organizing, redecorating - but I lack the energy to begin, much less complete, them. 

Holidays are what you make of them and all about traditions, so I guess this year we will start a new tradition. I could prepare a smaller scale dinner for The Pie and myself, then take a plate to the nursing home for dad, making sure to take only things he can easily swallow. Or I could dress us up and visit him for the nursing home meal, giving thanks that we can still sit at a table together. Watching the parade was always a favorite, so we could bring him breakfast and watch the parade with him. Or we could take snacks to share and watch the football game. I have many options, but I need to determine the best course of action. 

Oh, hey! I guess that means I get to plan after all!