Is It Teacher Bullying?

I’m about to gain a reputation at my daughter’s school as being a difficult mom, a troublemaker, a bitch. It’s a yoke I’m happy to wear because I am standing up for my kid when she can’t. She refuses to explain herself to her teacher on this issue because she is being made to feel like she is different from her classmates. And I am quite pissed off about it.

It all began when the weather started getting colder. The Pie runs a little hot…well, let’s face it, she’s a walking heat source and probably the cause of global warming! Anyway, her teacher told her several times that she HAD to wear a coat to school. I finally caved and forced The Pie to wear a coat, just to stop the complaints. Last week, the teacher

 called me and asked if I knew what The Pie wore to school. I was perplexed. Of course, I knew…I dropped her off at school! She wore a shirt and a skirt. Looked pretty cute, too! The teacher goes on to tell me that she would like my daughter to always wear pants and tennis shoes because of the cold weather. I feigned interest, but eventually dismissed it.

 

Today, The Pie tells me that a lady in the office called her in to ask her once again if I knew what she was wearing and if I saw her before school. What the hell? She proceeded to tell my child that she MUST wear long pants and closed shoes at least until the end of February. I lost my damn mind when The Pie told me about what happened. She said she felt embarrassed and like she was in trouble. I intend to put a stop to it.

I sat down and wrote a sternly worded email to her principal about the issue. I’m sure she is completely unaware that adults are bullying her students. And that’s what I think it is…I may be overreacting, but it’s how she feels she’s being treated and I will not diminish her feelings. Here’s the letter, somewhat modified, I wrote:

My daughter, The Pie, is in Mrs. Hess' second grade class and I am angry. The Pie told me about something that happened today and I am deeply upset.  She explained that Annie in the office pulled her aside and asked her if she dressed herself and if I saw her before she left for school. The Pie also said that Annie told her that she MUST wear long pants and closed shoes to school from now on.

This is an issue I tried to ignore, but during a recent phone call, I discussed it with Mrs. Hess and explained that The Pie's wardrobe is something I leave up to her. It's simply not worth fighting about. Mrs. Hess said that her concern is that The Pie will get cold during an outside recess and possibly get sick.  My daughter has a normal body temperature that runs a little high, so she is always warm to the touch and never, ever gets cold. I gave in to Mrs. Hess' badgering about my child wearing a coat to school, so now she takes one because her teacher told her to. 

The Pie's grandfather, with whom we lived the majority of her life, passed away in November and rather than try to support my daughter through a very difficult emotional time, these women are chastising her for what she wears! My daughter is scared that she has done something wrong. Her grades have fallen, but the focus is on her clothes? That is just wrong. Her learning environment is obviously compromised as a result of this form of harassment. 

I do not appreciate the interference of these ladies regarding something so trivial as my daughter's wardrobe. She is always appropriately covered and does not violate any of the dress code rules in the student handbook. If you can show me in the handbook where it requires girls to wear long pants during cold weather, I wish you would. Until such time, I will not force my daughter to wear clothes in which she feels uncomfortable merely to mitigate the ridiculous gossip of a couple of young women. 

My child is a unique, creative and intelligent girl and I refuse to allow her spirit to be broken by people who have no knowledge or real concern for her welfare. I make no excuses for her and I am offended by the fact that I am being forced to defend her clothing. Rest assured, I will no longer tolerate the shaming she has had to endure about this issue. 

Please call me at your earliest convenience to discuss this situation or to schedule an appointment to meet. 

I’d like to know what all you parents, educators and school administrators out there think. Is there a real basis for requiring The Pie to change her wardrobe? Are the adults at her school bullying her? Or am I just a Mama Bear??  Honest feedback is welcome.