Looking Forward to It

A Facebook friend, who travels extensively for work, posted today that she is looking forward to Thanksgiving, a vacation, decorating for Christmas and spending time with her dogs. She admonished her friends to look forward as well, for she was looking forward -  looking for good in the world. Her words inspired me to write today’s entry because I realized that many of us, when looking back, get stuck in the past.  

Memories are beautiful things to keep close to us, and there's nothing wrong with reminiscing about the past. But living in it, being mired in thinking about "what used to be," can be dangerous. Trying to capture what once was is like trying to hear the color blue or singing about architecture...it's a waste of energy that could be applied to something much more worth while. We all know those people who are stuck in the past: the neighborhood mom who was once a popular cheerleader, who now throws "spirit parties" for the kids on the block, or the middle-aged insurance salesman who cannot stop talking about that touchdown run he made in high school that took his team to the state championships. 

I can totally understand the desire to stay in the past: simple, familiar, pleasant - those attributes are incredibly tempting when otherwise faced with taxes, strangers and stress. I used to work at a private school. It's been over 10 years since my position was eliminated there, but I still talk about my time there, like I just left last week. I miss all the friends I made there and I miss all the opportunities that job afforded me, but I must remind myself that they have moved on...and so must I.  Too much thinking about that time, makes me sad and removes me from living in the present moment. Living in the past, for some people, can be very depressing.  If you're having marriage problems, it's easy to recall the excitement of a former flame and remember that time fondly. Say you've gained a little weight since the kids were born; it's much more pleasant to remember when you were smoking hot and dancing in clubs surrounded by guys than to deal with adding exercise to an already packed schedule. But beware. The past is a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there!

Admittedly, for the past 6 months, I didn't believe I had anything to look forward to. I hated my job, knew I deserved better, and felt stymied at every turn I took in an effort to better myself and my life with The Pie. Much of my vision was clouded by what my life used to be, and discovering that it would never be that way again. The reason why? People die, children are born and they grow up. Things change.

Why stagnate in the past, when you can look FORWARD?  By definition, "looking forward to" is the eager anticipation of an event or time. It means that you are excited about something in the future. So why not start today by looking forward?  

Take a quick inventory of your life: family, job, friends, etc. Be grateful you have those things - I bet you didn't have them in the past, right? Make plans to do something you've never done before: volunteer, plan a ski trip, visit the gym. Give yourself something to look forward to! The Pie teases me because I like to be next in just about any situation - in line at the grocery store, at the doctor's office, bank, public restroom. I like to be next. It's the anticipation of it being my turn that gets me riled up. It's my something to look forward to.

From a physical perspective, looking back takes a toll on the body, as well. Turning your head to look over your shoulder strains muscles and places undue pressure on your neck. Maybe that's why life is a pain in the neck!  (sad attempt at a pun) Keep your head straight and eyes focused on what lies ahead of you - it's easier.

I know life is rough. Believe me, I KNOW life is rough. If someone tries to tell you otherwise, walk away - because they are lying. Make the best of what you have today, then you can look forward to what you will have tomorrow.  There's a saying that goes "Yesterday is past and tomorrow is future. Treat today like a gift, that's why it's called the present" (or something to that effect). But here's what I believe: 

 think when you look down,

pray when you look up and

hope when you look ahead.

Thank Full

This month has always been a bit melancholy for me, but since Dad died the week before Thanksgiving two years ago, it’s gotten to be quite emotional. I am happily thankful for all the blessings in my life, but I’m also sad because Dad really enjoyed Thanksgiving – the food, the football, the food, the parade…did I mention the food? He passed on Veteran’s Day, so that makes the month even a little bit more poignant. However, what I want to concentrate on right now is what makes me happy, what brings me joy and what I am most grateful for.

Of course, I am thankful for my daughter. The Pie delights in all things animal, loves singing and brings indefinable joy to my life. I love how she demands to be tickled, how she offers to help in the kitchen, laughs at me when I’m trying to embarrass her and how she is always quick with a kiss, a hug and an “I love you.” Being The Pie’s mom is the best thing that could have ever happened to me and she changed my life. No. She saved my life.

I am grateful that we have a nice home to live in, clothes to wear, food on our table and people to love, who also love us. We are a cute little family of two, but I am blessed to have extended family members who haven’t forgotten us and people who share a history with me so that they are more like family than friends.  I love having someone who can tell a story about something we did years ago that I barely remember. Having people in my life that knew me when I was a fat, awkward teenager, hopelessly in love with a boy who was gay but didn’t know it, keeps me grounded and helps me understand that high school is over, even though I still sometimes feel like that girl.

I love having a best friend that TOTALLY gets me and I am grateful that she has stuck around as long as she has. We met exactly 30 days after my mom died and she rescued me from myself. In the ensuing years, she had plenty of opportunity to walk away from me when I was way too needy, ridiculously emotional or wildly arrogant. But she's my friend and partner in everything...she's my person.

I am so thankful for my job and the people there. It is wonderful to be appreciated for my contributions and to be treated like a valuable member of the team. It is gratifying to produce work that is recognized and necessary. The people I work with are incredibly dedicated and focused and make it an absolute joy to go work.

It's an embarrassment of riches this year because things are finally looking up and I feel better than I have in a long time.  The past year has been trying for all of us in one way or another, so lets just be grateful that we don't have to watch another political ad or hear more spewing of vile words from the candidates. For now!

Trust Issues

My new employment position affords me a glimpse inside an often disturbing situation. The most vulnerable sector of society is being beaten, molested, neglected and my job deals with those cases on a daily basis. It's heart-breaking, yes. But I am also witness to a group of dedicated people who want only for the child to heal and the perpetrator to be accountable. They work tirelessly to ensure the absolute best for the child and operate in concert with agencies such as law enforcement, the district attorney's office and the department of human services toward that goal.

I've learned a lot in a short amount of time. I've learned that emotions have no place in a case review. That what may seem like an insensitive moniker for a victim, is really the worker's best attempt at not getting too emotionally involved. I've learned that when a foster home isn't immediately available for an infant, someone from my office takes that baby home until a space is found. I've learned that most children have no concept of body safety and don't understand that their bodies belong to them. I've learned, sadly, that many children do not have adults in their lives that they
trust. One boy stated that he didn't "trust anybody, especially adults, because that's how you really get hurt!"

Over dinner the other night, I asked The Pie about body safety and trust issues. I asked what she thought she might do if someone tried to touch her bits (slang for her private parts, but she does know the clinical term). "Kick him in the nuts!" Other options were: "Bite him!" and "Throat punch!" It does my heart good to know that she pays attention. I've threatened all of those options in various past situations. When I asked her if she had any adults in her life that she trusted, she got a far away look on her face and after a few seconds began to name them all, starting with me. I admit that I was glad to hear that she trusts me, but even more so to hear the names of all the other adults she feels comfortable sharing a secret or an issue with. It did not escape my notice that every person she named is a woman, since she has very little regular interaction with men.  The only men she sees daily is our next door neighbor, our neighbor across the street and her music teacher at school. I was also heartened to hear that one of the women is her 4th grade teacher this year. Not since kindergarten has she bonded so well and so quickly with a teacher, so I'm hopeful that she will have an enjoyable school year.

The Pie later shared with me that she asked a friend about adults she trusted (she declined to tell me which friend, but I have it narrowed down to two) and her friend's answer was, "No." She shared this with me because she said it made her sad that her friend didn't have an adult to go to when she is hurt or upset or sad. I start to explain that so many of our kids today have been wounded by the adults in their lives, some kids no longer naturally trust adults. Then she interrupts and says, "But I told her she could always trust you, Mom!"

High praise, indeed!