Trust Issues

My new employment position affords me a glimpse inside an often disturbing situation. The most vulnerable sector of society is being beaten, molested, neglected and my job deals with those cases on a daily basis. It's heart-breaking, yes. But I am also witness to a group of dedicated people who want only for the child to heal and the perpetrator to be accountable. They work tirelessly to ensure the absolute best for the child and operate in concert with agencies such as law enforcement, the district attorney's office and the department of human services toward that goal.

I've learned a lot in a short amount of time. I've learned that emotions have no place in a case review. That what may seem like an insensitive moniker for a victim, is really the worker's best attempt at not getting too emotionally involved. I've learned that when a foster home isn't immediately available for an infant, someone from my office takes that baby home until a space is found. I've learned that most children have no concept of body safety and don't understand that their bodies belong to them. I've learned, sadly, that many children do not have adults in their lives that they
trust. One boy stated that he didn't "trust anybody, especially adults, because that's how you really get hurt!"

Over dinner the other night, I asked The Pie about body safety and trust issues. I asked what she thought she might do if someone tried to touch her bits (slang for her private parts, but she does know the clinical term). "Kick him in the nuts!" Other options were: "Bite him!" and "Throat punch!" It does my heart good to know that she pays attention. I've threatened all of those options in various past situations. When I asked her if she had any adults in her life that she trusted, she got a far away look on her face and after a few seconds began to name them all, starting with me. I admit that I was glad to hear that she trusts me, but even more so to hear the names of all the other adults she feels comfortable sharing a secret or an issue with. It did not escape my notice that every person she named is a woman, since she has very little regular interaction with men.  The only men she sees daily is our next door neighbor, our neighbor across the street and her music teacher at school. I was also heartened to hear that one of the women is her 4th grade teacher this year. Not since kindergarten has she bonded so well and so quickly with a teacher, so I'm hopeful that she will have an enjoyable school year.

The Pie later shared with me that she asked a friend about adults she trusted (she declined to tell me which friend, but I have it narrowed down to two) and her friend's answer was, "No." She shared this with me because she said it made her sad that her friend didn't have an adult to go to when she is hurt or upset or sad. I start to explain that so many of our kids today have been wounded by the adults in their lives, some kids no longer naturally trust adults. Then she interrupts and says, "But I told her she could always trust you, Mom!"

High praise, indeed!