Dirty Girl

I do not claim to be a germaphobe, or a neat freak, nor do I suffer from an obsessive cleaning disorder. I have a limit of how much dirt I can tolerate and, admittedly, it’s not high. That is why I now face a challenge regarding my daughter.



When The Pie was very young, she hated getting her hands – really, any part of her – dirty, sticky or messy. She would chant, “dirty, dirty, dirty” if even the slightest bit of foreign substance landed on her. I prided myself on that behavior, thinking I was raising a conscious girl that would embrace cleanliness. But something changed…


The Pie has imposed a moratorium on bathing. I don’t know when; I don’t know how, but it seems she has taken on the characteristics of the Wicked Witch of the West and eschews water in all its forms. This particular ban also includes washing her hair and brushing her teeth. She comes home from a friend’s house or inside from playing in the backyard with dirt under her fingernails (and toenails. I gave up on forcing her to wear shoes a long time ago!), smears on her face and her hair tangled into something a sparrow would like to call home. She is barely recognizable as my daughter! When I mention a bath, she begins to whine like a jet engine.


I feel like some hygiene despot every time I force her to the tub; and the neighbors must think I’m shoving bamboo slivers into her eyes when I wash her hair. I think one night coyotes gathered in the driveway in response to her howling! Very often, getting The Pie into the bathtub is akin to wrestling a greased octopus. Legs and arms flail (hers and mine) in the endeavor of placing the girl in the water.


I just don’t understand this new aversion to bathing and maintaining her hygiene. Until about a month ago, she practically begged to take a bath, whined until I let her brush her teeth (sometimes 4 or 5 times a day!) and cried when I took away the dental floss. Is this just part of growing up? A phase she will eventually outgrow? I desperately hope so because I can’t face a future with a Pigpen Pie! Maybe a good hose-down once a week will do the trick? Or I could spray her with Febreze! Any suggestions?