Two Pees in a ...Bucket

Over the past few weeks, my house became the one where all the neighborhood kids liked to hang out. I prefer to think that it’s because I have a charming and charismatic daughter to whom they flock; or it may be my own fun and somewhat more laid back approach they enjoy. In any case, lots of kids hang out here but not once have they asked to use the bathroom. Yesterday, many things crystallized for me and I realized I was being duped.


When kids are playing and having fun, the last thing they want to do is stop the action to leave the group and go inside to use the facilities. So, my intelligent, problem-solving Pie devised a plan to urinate into a bucket in the garage. Then another friend thought it would be a good idea, as well. That way, no one had to get out of eyesight of what the kids were doing, and they wouldn’t miss anything fun. On the one hand, I can see the pragmatism of this solution. Who wants to be gone from their friends for three and a half minutes while emptying their bladder? Why not stay engaged and pee at the same time? On the other hand, as a mother, I see so many problems with this behavior, not the least of which is that I am the one most likely to have to empty the bucket!! The Pie and her neighbor friend have been caught urinating outside before and there have been consequences for both of them. It seems they were not harsh enough.

 
Yesterday, while I worked on a dining room remodel project, children from the neighborhood roamed in and out of the house, playing and riding bikes and generally being kids. At one point, I went outside into the lovely day and found The Pie “washing the car.” She had snuck some washcloths from the bathroom and busied herself with cleaning the windows and portions of the car body that she could reach. I asked where she got the water and she told me that Mike, the lawn-obsessed neighbor across the street, had filled the bucket with his garden hose. I registered no doubt or curiosity at this statement… but wait, there’s more. The Pie was so proud of the job she completed and thought the car was the shiniest it had ever been, that she began harassing me for money in exchange for the unsolicited wash. We joked around a little and as I was picking up the washcloths and the bucket she used, I noticed a pungent odor. A strong, definite smell of ammonia wafted to my nostrils.

 
While I found out later that it was, indeed, true that Mike had put water from the hose into the bucket, I was horrified to discover that The Pie and a friend also contributed to the level of liquid. It took a split second for me to realize that the shiny car in my driveway was soaked in the urine of my daughter and her friend. I sent everyone home, took the Pie inside and delivered swift justice; I doubt she will pee outside again.


But she did do a really good job on the car wash!