Scandalous!

I’m in the mood for a good, juicy scandal. One so outrageous that simply can’t be believed. One that gets round the clock CNN coverage for a solid week. I have only two conditions for said scandal: 1) no one can be harmed or killed and 2) it must involve someone that is almost above reproach.  I wonder why we, as a society, enjoy seeing someone fall from grace. Why do we soak up the humiliation of others and hang on our seats for the next breaking news about it?

For me, I think it comes from a place of envy. Seeing someone who seems to have it all lose face among his or her fans seems to be a sort of comeuppance, a way of reminding the subject that he or she is not impervious to scrutiny. That we are all human. In many instances, a scandal exposes hypocrisy at government level or reduces a pompous ass to a sniveling weasel. The Germans even have a word for that feeling: schadenfreude. 

When thinking about what might shock America to its core, I came up with a few ideas. None of them may turn into stuff of legend or history books, but I figured they might at least give us something to think about … other than our own dull lives.

For example, what if Michelle Obama was discovered scarfing donuts and gulping down Red Bull before delivering a stirring speech about childhood obesity? What if Angelina Jolie turned out to really be a man? Adultery scandals are always good fodder for tabloids…what if someone leaked that Queen Elizabeth II has carried on a love affair with one her palace servants for the last 50 years? Sex tapes are de rigueur, but what if Oprah Winfrey starred in her own and it was exposed on TMZ?  It needs to be something unique and mind-boggling. Any one can send of picture of their genitals on their phone…ho, hum. Boring! Leave hate-filled rants on your child’s voice mail? Seen it. Prostitute your daughter on a stage for the sake of fake-jeweled crowns? It’s a popular television show. Yawn.

So, it’s time for someone America has placed on a ridiculously high pedestal, who has the respect of nearly citizen, to really screw up. News casts are getting pretty boring, so let’s get busy!!