The Other Woman

In recent weeks, some people have told me that I am "too nice." I'm not entirely certain what that is supposed to imply, but I found myself reflecting on it. Before I became a mother, I had an edge. I was tough ...didn't take crap from anybody. Now, upon careful examination, I can see soft spots. Little chinks in my armor show up more often than I would like. I don't care about how I look, as long as I'm clean. I've become another woman. 

There was a time when I would never dare to leave my house without my hair and make-up done and dressed presentably. I regularly had my hair colored and styled, visited tanning salons and had manicures every 3 weeks. Nowadays, I make regular trips to Wal-Mart not only without make-up, but with my hair pulled back and many times without a bra! My hair turns grayer every day and is desperate need of a cut... and my nails? I'm lucky to get to cut and file them myself, rather than chew them off! Pedicures? A very rare treat! 

Before I was a mommy, I was a tough chick. My exterior was hard, crusty and nearly impenetrable. I spoke harshly and sarcastically to people and didn't care if I offended anyone. I was honest and straightforward. No sugar coating for me. Now, 6 years after birthing the most awesome child on the planet, I am more aware of tact and diplomacy. I choose my words carefully and make a concerted effort to remain positive in difficult situations. I am more friendly to strangers and find polite conversation less annoying than I used to. 

Once upon a time, my agenda was all that mattered. I worked 10 or 12 hour days, stopped for a drink on the way home. Stayed out all night and slept all day on weekends. Mornings consisted of sleeping until the last possible minute, repeatedly slapping the snooze button. (Oh, wait...I still do that last thing!) I had no one else to answer to, no one to feed but myself, no one to take care of but myself. I didn't ingratiate myself with the neighbors. I wasn't a part of a community. If I didn't want to do something, I didn't; and harbored no guilt whatsoever about saying "no." In present day, I sleep very little. I am always the first one up to make sure homework is in the book bag, clothes are ready to be worn, breakfast is made and lunch is packed. I have a strict schedule of dropping at school, nap times, picking up from school, extracurricular activities, preparing meals, getting baths and stories read, slathering lotions and potions on old,

neuropathic feet and then cleaning up before I can finally fall into bed. On many occasions, I am responsible for not only my kid and father, but the children of other people, as well. Neighbors rely on me to plan their garage sales, teach them to use a new piece of technology, babysit and otherwise counsel. And I do it all! I don't want to let anyone down. I care now about being a part of something bigger than me. I help because I once needed help and was afraid to ask. When I received what I needed, gratitude became my way of life. 

Admittedly, there are times when I wish I could morph back into that hard edged, stone cold bitch that I was when I wasn't a parent. But for the most part, I like being the other woman.