I admit it. I take my daughter for granted. I sometimes complain that she is spoiled (I accept my responsibility in that), needy (ditto) and too dependent upon me. But here's the truth...The Pie is a good kid. She has lots of friends, from school and the neighborhood, and I've gotten to know most of them quite well. Some of them spend hours at my house and if I thought my daughter behaved the way some of these kids do, I would be horrified.
From possessing no voice modulation to relying on me for their entire nutritional daily intake, those kids...I'll call them the "others"...drive me batshit crazy! There are a couple of them that I truly love in spite of those little quirks, don't misunderstand. Hell, there are times when the actual fruit of my loins drives me nearly certifiable! The "others" make no attempt to comply with the rules of the house and repeated requests to lower their voices fall on deaf ears - probably ruined their hearing with all their loudness!
I try - I really, do - to be patient, understanding that their home life is most likely vastly different from that of The Pie. Perhaps the parental dynamic, number of siblings or a custody issue affects their behavior...or maybe they're just brats. I can't say with any clinical certainty on that one. What I can say, with the caveat that the statement is to the best of my knowledge, is that The Pie is one of the best behaved kids I know. I make the statement with full acceptance that it may appear biased, but I speak the truth. She's a great kid.
She doesn't walk into a friend's home and announce, "I'm hungry. I want a snack!" Nor does she just help herself to whatever happens to be available in the kitchen. In our home, our snacks are displayed for easy access, and she even asks my permission before she takes a snack from the basket. In her own home! She doesn't drain her friend's parents of juice, milk soda or other beverages; she saves that honor just for me! She follows the lead of the friend whose home she is visiting, she doesn't arrive and demand to play Barbies or Littlest Pet Shop. Admittedly, she pretty much takes over the activities when she is hosting kids at our house. I cannot, in good conscience, proclaim that my girl is not a...shall we say...strong personality. She does like to be in charge...it's a genetic flaw.
Generally, The Pie isn't too awfully loud, but she is susceptible to the loudness of others. One of her favorite books is "The Loudness of Sam," the story of a young boy who lives his life at the highest decibel he can. She thinks it funny that just because Sam talks loudly, so does everyone else in his life. The irony escapes her little 6 year old brain, but not mine. When her little girlfriends scream, so does she. When the "others" yell at the top of their lungs for no apparent reason, after my admonishments to keep it down, she follows suit. Why is loudness so contagious? The other children holler my name to get my attention, burst out random phrases; apropos of nothing, one girl will blurt "skooch bus" at a level that only neighborhood dogs can hear! Then everyone else in the car apes her and before I know, I am seriously considering purchasing a Taser! The Pie does have a friend who can come over and play quietly and nicely...so much so that I hardly even know they are in the house. I often have to check to see if they haven't succumbed to carbon monoxide poisoning!
My daughter acts honestly like I am the best thing since chocolate that ever happened to her. She never hesitates to tell me that she loves me, she always offers kisses and hugs to me, whether we're at home or in public. She draws pictures for me in her free time at school. I love the smile that slowly creeps across her face into a beaming beacon when I pick her up at school. The "others" seem to simply tolerate their parents and don't seem to want to be around them, accept in cases of injury or fear. Or the need for money, there's that.
One the most disconcerting issues I face with entertaining The Pie's friends is that of peer pressure. So early in her life, I believe she has been forced to do things that she wouldn't otherwise do. when left to her own devices. She will bend to the will of a girl that warns she will no longer be The Pie's friend if she doesn't play the game her way. or won't play with/tear up something they found in the garage. Losing a friend is pretty high on The Pie's list of fears, so without thought to consequences, she will often do the bidding of another kid, just to be accepted. I know further conversation on this topic is in our future.
For the past six years, I have worried often, daily...sometimes hourly..., if I am a good parent. Have I taught my child good manners, kindness, compassion, respect? Were the words spoken in a moment of anger too harsh for her innocent psyche? Has she learned how to properly treat the people she loves? Does the absence of a father figure affect her in a negative manner? Followed by myriad questions that can only be answered in the future, when she is an adult woman. Then the result of my work will be evident. But in the meantime, I'm glad she's different from her friends. I don't want to consign her to a being "just like everybody else." As long as she's happy with her life and herself, that's fine with me.
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