One of the most difficult truths of life that I have recognized is this: Everything has a shelf life. Once a moment occurs, it’s too late to capture it. That’s why God gave us the ability to remember…to recall a special instant in time that made us smile, laugh or even shed a tear.
This past week has been a busy one…my father was admitted to the hospital, I faced my own health crisis and it was Spring Break, so the Pie was wound up tighter than an eight-day clock! But one thing I carry with me are the memories of times I know I can never get back, but that I will treasure for eternity. At least until the Alzheimer’s kicks in.
1. After the miserable rain-soaked days we finally were able to enjoy some time on the back patio. Dad is supposed to get some small bursts of exercise, so I encourage him to walk around the back yard. During a rest, the Pie plopped down in the grass at his feet and said, “I love you, Papa!” Then she began howling (she likes to play “puppy”). Suddenly my father joins in the howling and soon our actual dog joined the fray. I laughed at this ridiculous sight and then laughed harder when asked, “What’s so funny?” That moment is now stamped into my memory banks.
2. The night I put dad in the hospital, my anxiety level was off the charts! I needed a buffer between the Pie and me, so I called the fella I’ve been dating…friends call him The New Guy, so let’s go with that. I asked The New Guy if he could come to visit, then kept changing my mind about whether he should come or not. Finally, I relented and he came to the house, after the Pie was in bed, and we snuggled, talked and giggled. He surprised me with how supportive and sensitive he was to what was happening with me and I felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in his arms. Regardless of what the future holds with this man, I will carry that memory forever.
3. My family had an unexpected financial shortfall this month and we were sorely in need of groceries, prescriptions and other necessities. My lovely neighbor graciously volunteered to help. She brought us milk, bread, bottled water and even paid for medications for Dad. She is a sweet young Christian mother who is incredibly busy and probably financially strapped herself, but thought nothing of spending her family’s money to help us. The memory of her generosity is stuck in my heart.
4. This week we celebrated the 30th birthday of one of my favorite people in the world. Her mother and I are best friends and she has always been my “niece.” The young woman characterizes everything I wish the Pie to grow up to be – compassionate, generous, smart, kind, strong, logical, motivated and achieving. I was present when she was born 30 years ago and while I missed a large chunk of adolescence, I am honored to see the amazing woman she has grown into. The memory of her as a baby superimposed over the image of her managing her burgeoning family is one whose beauty is indescribable.
5. With the exception of actually bathing my dad, I provide all of his hygiene needs: clip and file, nails, rub lotions and potions on, check moles, cut hair, etc. It was hair-cutting day this week, and my little helper was ready to make a splash in the art of geezer barbery! The Pie assumed her place behind Papa’s chair and combed all of his little stray hairs into a semblance of a style, patted his head and pronounced, “Voila! (Although it sounded more like “Waaaa-Laaaaa”) I am finished. You left me no choice and I will sit down!” I have no idea what she meant, but I laughed myself silly and even giggled later at the memory of it.
It can be a moment, an instant, or a long process, but everything everywhere has potential to make a lasting, wonderful memory. The question is whether you make yourself open to experiencing it and noticing that something wonderful is happening before your very eyes. Open yours this week and be surprised at what you see!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
The Top Five: Funniest Things the Pie said This Week
I try to look for humor in nearly every situation I encounter; and when it involves my daughter, I don’t have to look very far. The Pie is a veritable treasure trove of comedy and she loves to make people laugh. This week in particular was crammed with hilarious bon mots, so the task of culling them into the top five challenged me.
1. “Oh, man, my butt looks great!” - While sorting through clothes The Pie has outgrown, we discovered a pair of jeans she hadn’t worn in a while. They are embellished with dazzling crystals and swirly designs on the back pockets. I tried them on her to see if they still fit and following a quick glance in the mirror, she delivered this very true statement.
2. “Mama, you are mistaken.” – This declaration ended a discussion about whether or not it was Treasure Day at school (which is Friday); the conversation took place on Tuesday.
3. “Do you WANT to look like a hoochie?” – I don’t normally wear a lot of eye make-up during the day, but I had a lunch date, so I went with my “date look.” The Pie is fascinated with the whole make-up process and watched while I loaded up on the face paint then delivered her critique.
4. “Papa smells like Mini’s breath!” – My dad is convinced that garlic is the panacea for all of his ills…and he doesn’t just take garlic pills, he eats an entire head of fresh garlic every day. Mini (the dog) has a tendency to ingest little nuggets left in the cat’s litter box (I know, gross). The Pie balked at giving her Papa kisses and this was her answer when I asked her why.
5. “Mama, is your date over yet?” – So that lunch date? It lasted into a dinner date with friends who were babysitting The Pie. Said date and I met them at a restaurant and there ended up being10 of us at the table enjoying a lovely time. At one of the few lulls in conversation, The Pie dropped this bomb.
Weekly feature? Probably...
1. “Oh, man, my butt looks great!” - While sorting through clothes The Pie has outgrown, we discovered a pair of jeans she hadn’t worn in a while. They are embellished with dazzling crystals and swirly designs on the back pockets. I tried them on her to see if they still fit and following a quick glance in the mirror, she delivered this very true statement.
2. “Mama, you are mistaken.” – This declaration ended a discussion about whether or not it was Treasure Day at school (which is Friday); the conversation took place on Tuesday.
3. “Do you WANT to look like a hoochie?” – I don’t normally wear a lot of eye make-up during the day, but I had a lunch date, so I went with my “date look.” The Pie is fascinated with the whole make-up process and watched while I loaded up on the face paint then delivered her critique.
4. “Papa smells like Mini’s breath!” – My dad is convinced that garlic is the panacea for all of his ills…and he doesn’t just take garlic pills, he eats an entire head of fresh garlic every day. Mini (the dog) has a tendency to ingest little nuggets left in the cat’s litter box (I know, gross). The Pie balked at giving her Papa kisses and this was her answer when I asked her why.
5. “Mama, is your date over yet?” – So that lunch date? It lasted into a dinner date with friends who were babysitting The Pie. Said date and I met them at a restaurant and there ended up being10 of us at the table enjoying a lovely time. At one of the few lulls in conversation, The Pie dropped this bomb.
Weekly feature? Probably...
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Can I Take the Scenic Route?
I realize that one of my responsibilities as a parent is to guide my child down a path toward maturing into a productive adult member of society. But does it have to happen so quickly? The Pie is 42 days from turning 5 and there are days, if I don't a double take, I think I'm talking to a 15-year-old. Surly attitude and all.
I believe she has now appointed herself as Royal Inquisitor to the Empress Mama because she asks questions about where I've been, what I've been doing, who I've been doing it with...you get the idea. I haven't been grilled like since I was 17 and snuck into bedroom window an hour after curfew. Man, that was a night!
As I mentioned in a previous post, I have decided to cautiously try dating again. The Pie surprised me the other night with this conversation:
Pie: "Do you have a date?"
Me: "Yes, I do."
Pie: "What is a date?"
Me: "It's when Mama goes out to eat or to a movie with a new guy friend."
Pie: "Are you going to do that date?"
Me: "Yes, I am."
Pie: "What is his name?"
Me: "His name is (date's name)."
Pie: "I don't know him!"
Me: "I know you don't. I said he was a NEW friend."
Pie: "I have to meet him to see if he is OK. Get him on the phone."
Me: "AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
I don't understand why she felt the need to vet my date; I have never been on a date in her lifetime, so I fail to see where she learned this behavior. Next thing you know, she'll want a credit report and a background check!
There are moments when I look at her and all the innocence of childhood shimmers behind her indigo eyes, her features soft and curvy. In a flicker, her eyes turn dark, her mouth turns to a hard line and she spits, "Whatever!"
Last week, while running errands in town, she asked what all the orange barrels were for. I explained that the roads were being repaired and all cars had to get in one lane. To which, she replied, "If we could all go in one lane, why are there so many other lanes anyway?" I admitted that I had no answer for that - I was looking for a detour somewhere on our path...
I believe she has now appointed herself as Royal Inquisitor to the Empress Mama because she asks questions about where I've been, what I've been doing, who I've been doing it with...you get the idea. I haven't been grilled like since I was 17 and snuck into bedroom window an hour after curfew. Man, that was a night!
As I mentioned in a previous post, I have decided to cautiously try dating again. The Pie surprised me the other night with this conversation:
Pie: "Do you have a date?"
Me: "Yes, I do."
Pie: "What is a date?"
Me: "It's when Mama goes out to eat or to a movie with a new guy friend."
Pie: "Are you going to do that date?"
Me: "Yes, I am."
Pie: "What is his name?"
Me: "His name is (date's name)."
Pie: "I don't know him!"
Me: "I know you don't. I said he was a NEW friend."
Pie: "I have to meet him to see if he is OK. Get him on the phone."
Me: "AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
I don't understand why she felt the need to vet my date; I have never been on a date in her lifetime, so I fail to see where she learned this behavior. Next thing you know, she'll want a credit report and a background check!
There are moments when I look at her and all the innocence of childhood shimmers behind her indigo eyes, her features soft and curvy. In a flicker, her eyes turn dark, her mouth turns to a hard line and she spits, "Whatever!"
Last week, while running errands in town, she asked what all the orange barrels were for. I explained that the roads were being repaired and all cars had to get in one lane. To which, she replied, "If we could all go in one lane, why are there so many other lanes anyway?" I admitted that I had no answer for that - I was looking for a detour somewhere on our path...
Top Five: Activities
Today marks the first of a series of my Top Fives. That is, a list of the five things that I like most...and today, it's ACTIVITIES. These are things I enjoy doing more than anything else. You will not find either of the following on the list: camping, hunting, fishing, or any form of car racing. If you are surprised about that, then you don't really know me! Okay, here we go (in no particular order):
1. COOKING - I taught myself to cook at a very young age because my mother could only successfully prepare about 5 meals - and one of those was liver - so I wanted to add some variety. I remember watching Julia Child on Saturday mornings on PBS and was fascinated by how she took a bunch of stuff, threw it together and then served it as a meal. Now baking is a different thing; I like baked goods, but I sometimes have difficulty with the precise measuring and all. I like to change things up and experiment, so cooking is fun for me. I prefer cooking for a lot of people, filling them up inside with tasty warmth and goodness, then basking in the "mmm"s and "ohmigawd"s that follow.
2. EATING - what's the point of cooking if I can't eat it? I get excited when I am trying a new recipe and think about all the possibilities that it holds. I especially love eating out because then I don't have the clean up to worry about. I like all kinds of food and will try anything once. I DO NOT like raw tomatoes and eschew them as often as possible. Don't mind them cooked, but they just seem wrong in their natural state...like they're not finished or something. Also, I discovered a long time ago that it is physically impossible to eat and cry at the same time.
3. READING - I am never without a book...I am always in the middle of reading something. I do not read several books at once, because that feels like I'm cheating on all the books. I like to dedicate myself to the characters and plot of one book at a time so that they actually become a part of my consciousness. Whenever I read a book, I create the visual setting in my mind by associating it with a real place in my life and I cast the characters in the movie of the book. I did it with "The Help" and was surprised at how accurate I was...except for Skeeter - I was WAY off! I prefer thrillers or legal and medical suspense, but I do read various genres. I don't exclusively read novels, but that's what I seem drawn to the most. Authors like Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Jeffrey Deaver and Tami Hoag are favorites, but I like finding debut novels from writers that affect me. Makes me think I might have a chance someday of getting published myself.
4. KISSING - I recently rediscovered this particular joy of life. Because so many different kinds of kisses exist, there seems limitless options for kissing. I kiss my daughter's smooth cheek, her scraped knee, her burned fingers (long story), but I also kiss Dad on the forehead, the cat on the nose and the dog on the head. I obviously have an oral fixation. It had been a long time since I last kissed in a dating scenario, but delightfully found that I still like it! It's intimate, fun, teasing, aggressive and romantic so I like to do it A LOT! I'd rather spend hours kissing that moving on to whatever base is next. Sorry guys, but that's how it is.
5. LAUGHING - It's one of the most cathartic, liberating things to do and I take advantage of every opportunity to laugh. I especially love to do it with my daughter...and that's easy because we are always cracking each other up. Our mutual admiration society is ALL about laughing. Laughter relieves stress, calms our nerves and binds us together. I adore when my Pie is really tickled because she throws her head back and really let loose with a squeal that calls the neighbor dogs and it's one of my favorite sounds...but that's another blog entry.
So, it's a place to start and if there's any other topic you might want me to have list my top five on, please feel free to suggest one! Next week: Smells!
1. COOKING - I taught myself to cook at a very young age because my mother could only successfully prepare about 5 meals - and one of those was liver - so I wanted to add some variety. I remember watching Julia Child on Saturday mornings on PBS and was fascinated by how she took a bunch of stuff, threw it together and then served it as a meal. Now baking is a different thing; I like baked goods, but I sometimes have difficulty with the precise measuring and all. I like to change things up and experiment, so cooking is fun for me. I prefer cooking for a lot of people, filling them up inside with tasty warmth and goodness, then basking in the "mmm"s and "ohmigawd"s that follow.
2. EATING - what's the point of cooking if I can't eat it? I get excited when I am trying a new recipe and think about all the possibilities that it holds. I especially love eating out because then I don't have the clean up to worry about. I like all kinds of food and will try anything once. I DO NOT like raw tomatoes and eschew them as often as possible. Don't mind them cooked, but they just seem wrong in their natural state...like they're not finished or something. Also, I discovered a long time ago that it is physically impossible to eat and cry at the same time.
3. READING - I am never without a book...I am always in the middle of reading something. I do not read several books at once, because that feels like I'm cheating on all the books. I like to dedicate myself to the characters and plot of one book at a time so that they actually become a part of my consciousness. Whenever I read a book, I create the visual setting in my mind by associating it with a real place in my life and I cast the characters in the movie of the book. I did it with "The Help" and was surprised at how accurate I was...except for Skeeter - I was WAY off! I prefer thrillers or legal and medical suspense, but I do read various genres. I don't exclusively read novels, but that's what I seem drawn to the most. Authors like Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Jeffrey Deaver and Tami Hoag are favorites, but I like finding debut novels from writers that affect me. Makes me think I might have a chance someday of getting published myself.
4. KISSING - I recently rediscovered this particular joy of life. Because so many different kinds of kisses exist, there seems limitless options for kissing. I kiss my daughter's smooth cheek, her scraped knee, her burned fingers (long story), but I also kiss Dad on the forehead, the cat on the nose and the dog on the head. I obviously have an oral fixation. It had been a long time since I last kissed in a dating scenario, but delightfully found that I still like it! It's intimate, fun, teasing, aggressive and romantic so I like to do it A LOT! I'd rather spend hours kissing that moving on to whatever base is next. Sorry guys, but that's how it is.
5. LAUGHING - It's one of the most cathartic, liberating things to do and I take advantage of every opportunity to laugh. I especially love to do it with my daughter...and that's easy because we are always cracking each other up. Our mutual admiration society is ALL about laughing. Laughter relieves stress, calms our nerves and binds us together. I adore when my Pie is really tickled because she throws her head back and really let loose with a squeal that calls the neighbor dogs and it's one of my favorite sounds...but that's another blog entry.
So, it's a place to start and if there's any other topic you might want me to have list my top five on, please feel free to suggest one! Next week: Smells!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
News and Updates: All the News That's Fit to Share
Due to circumstances completely within my control, but far outside my ability to manage, my access to posting has been very strictly limited for a while. However, I have returned for a brief time to supply updates and info for those who care. I have a plan to post regularly ( at least weekly) that should be easy to accommodate so ya'll go on ahead and get all excited...
- I managed to strain a ligament in my left foot that has left me sporting a "big ugly boot" (BUG) for nearly 6 weeks. I don't wear it as often as I should so my healing process is slowed. It is still quite painful and inconvenient but it does justify parking in a handicapped spot at Wal-Mart.
- The Pie has decided to drop out of her dance class. For weeks she was uninterested and simply not engaged in the class. She loves to dance, but on her own terms. She's more of a free-style dancer at this stage and doesn't care for being told how to shake her booty.
- I am considering looking for a part-time job. The financial situation at my house is quite strained and the only answer at this point is find a way to make more money. It's a double edged sword, really because I will probably only make enough money to pay for the daycare required for the Pie.
- I began some crafting projects aimed at "girlifying" the house. My father's house is dark, masculine and dated, so a few feminine touches here and there are sure to improve the feel of the space. I have selected a kind of shabby chic or modern vintage look using the colors of aqua, green, chocolate and ivory. Perhaps pictures will be in order after some of the items are incorporated in the decor.
- I am earnestly planning the Pie's birthday party (which takes place in 7 weeks). This year's theme is "Cowgirl Round-Up". I expect this to be the biggest party yet, in terms of attendance, so I am trying to get an early start. I don't want to be swiping icing on a cake just as guests arrive!
- I made the decision to consider dating again. It's been more than five years since what masqueraded as a relationship ended and I feel like I have a lot to offer in a relationship. I will use dates as my required "me time" to relax and not think about cleaning or cooking or washing or...anything but having a good time.
- Counseling has proven to be a God send for me. I have a great counselor who has the uncanny ability to reveal to me how baseless and just plain ridiculous the things I think about myself are. I highly recommend counseling to everyone at least once in your lives. You can learn a lot about yourself.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Do You Validate?
I experienced a rather interesting revelation during a recent counseling session and while it helped me grieve the loss of my friend, it raised a few more questions that remain unanswered. I feel I must preface the following with a clarification to friends who may be reading this: I mean no offense; I do not intend to cast aspersions upon you or just plain piss you off. Please keep that in mind.
My counselor, who is a lovely young woman and seems to know her stuff pretty well, let me ramble on about the things I miss about Donna. It was pretty silly stuff really, but I mentioned that she was always there for me. And not in the ethereal “I’ll Always Be There For You” way, but every time I called, she answered, every time I went to her house, she was there. Of course, she was agoraphobic, but that’s not really the issue here. Let’s focus….
Whenever I needed someone to vent to about my frustrations, she talked me down from the ledge. We spent hours on the phone talking about nothing, and when I needed advice, she gave it freely. We called her The Wise Woman of the Tribe. It occurred to me that she was always good for an ego boost, also. She never failed to tell me that I was the smartest person she knew; she praised my parenting skills, my creativity, my intelligence, my humor, my strength – physical and internal.
I felt validated in my relationship with Donna. She saw me, understood me, appreciated me and accepted me. And I realized that’s what I miss the most. I don’t feel validated in any of my relationships with people. My daughter needs me and I am sure she appreciates what I do for her, but she is not equipped to verbalize her appreciation. My father needs me, but is terrified to admit it and continues to invalidate all of my efforts to properly care and provide for him. I just don’t feel as close to anyone as I felt to Donna. A friend I have known since 6th grade, whose daughters I consider my nieces, feels somewhat remote to me because she has a very busy life and health concerns of her own. One of my closest friends from high school is an ER physician with a crazy schedule, big family and hectic life. Another friend, with whom I shared a house for 9 years, also has her own stuff to deal with and I don’t feel as close to her as I think I should.
I don’t know what happened with these people. Perhaps, I withdrew when I became embarrassed about my own personal situation, or maybe I began to shut down and didn’t pursue more closeness with them. Whatever the case, I feel untethered. I don’t experience the connection that I think I need to be a healthy person. My counselor suggested that I put myself out there more, be more outspoken about what I need from my friends, but that scares me. What if I can’t find the validation I need from others to feel worthy? That just leaves me – and I’m a big ole mess!
My counselor, who is a lovely young woman and seems to know her stuff pretty well, let me ramble on about the things I miss about Donna. It was pretty silly stuff really, but I mentioned that she was always there for me. And not in the ethereal “I’ll Always Be There For You” way, but every time I called, she answered, every time I went to her house, she was there. Of course, she was agoraphobic, but that’s not really the issue here. Let’s focus….
Whenever I needed someone to vent to about my frustrations, she talked me down from the ledge. We spent hours on the phone talking about nothing, and when I needed advice, she gave it freely. We called her The Wise Woman of the Tribe. It occurred to me that she was always good for an ego boost, also. She never failed to tell me that I was the smartest person she knew; she praised my parenting skills, my creativity, my intelligence, my humor, my strength – physical and internal.
I felt validated in my relationship with Donna. She saw me, understood me, appreciated me and accepted me. And I realized that’s what I miss the most. I don’t feel validated in any of my relationships with people. My daughter needs me and I am sure she appreciates what I do for her, but she is not equipped to verbalize her appreciation. My father needs me, but is terrified to admit it and continues to invalidate all of my efforts to properly care and provide for him. I just don’t feel as close to anyone as I felt to Donna. A friend I have known since 6th grade, whose daughters I consider my nieces, feels somewhat remote to me because she has a very busy life and health concerns of her own. One of my closest friends from high school is an ER physician with a crazy schedule, big family and hectic life. Another friend, with whom I shared a house for 9 years, also has her own stuff to deal with and I don’t feel as close to her as I think I should.
I don’t know what happened with these people. Perhaps, I withdrew when I became embarrassed about my own personal situation, or maybe I began to shut down and didn’t pursue more closeness with them. Whatever the case, I feel untethered. I don’t experience the connection that I think I need to be a healthy person. My counselor suggested that I put myself out there more, be more outspoken about what I need from my friends, but that scares me. What if I can’t find the validation I need from others to feel worthy? That just leaves me – and I’m a big ole mess!
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